There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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