Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
