I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
