I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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