How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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