On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
