4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
