She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
