how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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