the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
