you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
