oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
