he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
