i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
