Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
