My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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