:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
