I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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