When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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