peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
