Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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