We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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