In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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