so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When are your genitals available?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
