She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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