Umm I'm too high to move.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
