lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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