Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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