no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
