I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
