i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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