you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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