since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
my poor anus
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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