ugly people sure do ruin things
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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