It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
