so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
