like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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