Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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