I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
