She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
