i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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