Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
