I just cut my nipple shaving
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
