I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
