i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
