How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
