Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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