My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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