so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
