Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
