I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
they need to just BURY HIM!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
