party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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